Catcher
(Theme: Erasure)
Sometimes I think that I can erase myself. That by
burying me the space that is me will cease to be but no one will
notice that they are only seeing an echo, remembering the places where I once
was and the things that I once did.
Sometimes I bury myself in sound. I plug my
headphones into my skull so hard that my ears pop and develop impact wax to
deaden the blows of electric instruments and sweet noxious noise, or I turn up
my car stereo so loud the speakers rattle their casings and by the time
the engine turns over all I feel is the ringing in my head where the
sound just was.
Sometimes I bury myself in clothes. I make layers of
armor or exoskeleton – I am a moth, but I look like an owl! – and I change
that exoskeleton daily, male to female, fem to butch, androgynous, delicate
flower to badass motherfucker, my favorite shirt says ‘Fictional Character’
across the back for a reason.
Sometimes I bury myself in stories. They are all of them
places and times which have never existed and will never exist and they
are more wonderful and narcotic for their impossibility because of it I am more
invested in their lives than I will ever be in mine.
Sometimes, when I go to cross the street, I get to
thinking I will disappear.
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